May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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