I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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