is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
