Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
