I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just cropdusted the office
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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