eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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