grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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