Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
