So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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