i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
