He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
