she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
