Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
