dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
