I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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