He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
