1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
