i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
