i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
