I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
