why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
