I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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