Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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