So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize