What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
