it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
