I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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