One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize