Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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