I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
