Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
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