I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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