he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
