who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize