i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
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The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
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I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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