Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
