Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
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I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
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I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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