my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
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Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
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I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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