Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
