Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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