I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
