everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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