He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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