I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
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Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
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I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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