the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
