I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize