I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
