I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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