I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
