You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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