He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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