Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
