i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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