Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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