Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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