i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
