youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize