I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
