Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
