I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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