so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
