his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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