don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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