i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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