It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
