operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
