So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
