its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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