We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
