Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
