you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
