im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
you made out with another girl for some wings
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
