i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
