she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Randomize
