She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
