My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
