look no pants
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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