I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
