if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Life is so much better after having sex.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
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