He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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