my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
