YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I want to be your penis for a week.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
