oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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