Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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