We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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